There'll be days like this

Sometimes you have an off day, sometimes it doesn't hit you until it's way past your bedtime and you are just sitting thinking "WHY?!" and it dawns on you that there are some things that have been weighing on your mind, heart and shoulders that just kinda suck. 

Fears that, while possibly irrational, don't just go away. Things that make you just want to yell at the top of your lungs at people who need to "one up" your concerns and issues and say no one asked you, not one person so shut it kaythx. 

Sometimes your amazing man says the right thing, reminds you that your life isn't wasted and that your fears are completely valid. That it's totally okay to cry and that he knows you've been keeping these things inside... you cry and you are reminded that God created the perfect man for you. 

Sometimes you just have days like this and that's completely okay, because good things come from struggles. 

Lake Weekend

A few weekends ago Eric's nephew Bill (lil' Bill) celebrated an entire 5 years on this great green Earth and to celebrate he "planned" a pretty sweet family day at the lake! 

Well, he actually met us at breakfast and let us know that we could do some farming, if we wanted to, but that there would be cake and presents too! But as soon as the word "lake" left anyones mouth it was lake this and lake that with a mixture of "I'm gonna go fishing!" and I said I'd join him because in all of my 26 years.. I'd never been. 

Shocker, right? Big city girl like me, never fishing! In my defense, these guys have never gone surfing or explored the beauties that is hiking with my family. Can you feel the sarcasm with the family comment? Don't get me wrong, love them, but my sister hiked in a skirt once and I haven't heard the end of it since. 

So we headed out to a damn lake (that is the technical term) and from the shore I proceeded to swim and feel at home for the first time in a very long time. Water is my life and always has been. I luckily got to swim with lil' Bill and Bailey for a good while, even in a short rain storm, which was heaven! There is nothing like sitting on a beach, drenched, having rain fall from the sky and be totally okay with the fact that you are the only one there because everyone else is scared of a little rain ;). 

Now there wasn't a lot of picture taking on my part, I've been trying my best to leave the phone and be in the moment, but thankfully others caught the glory of me catching my first fish! I mean, it was a catfish and my goodness was that sucker ugly. I wouldn't take it off the hook or touch it, but I was more than happy to pose. I promise that as the summer goes on, I will learn to unhook a fish and even clean it. I wish you could see my face. 

Actually, that up there is a great picture of my face. That fish re-hooked itself about 4 times before Eric could get him back in the water! 

Showing Bailey my fish, which she was much braver and willing to poke it. 

All in all, it was a wonderful day! Cut short by some thunder and lightening, but what else can you expect from the Midwest? Sorry, Northern Plains. 

Until next time! 

**PS** lil' Bill did not catch a fish, but that kid is seriously good at casting! 

"You Got This"

Ever meet someone who completely changes how you view.. everyone? I mean, I already met Eric and he's completely changed my view on what love is, and should be. 

Then I met his mom. 

Can we just say holy crap cause that's pretty much only thing I can think when I think of Diane. I'll be 100% honest, I had no idea that a mother could/should love as much as she loves her family. It's truly amazing. Not only has she been an amazing mom, like both her boys are enamored by this wonderful lady, but she's also made a life change that has resulted in some pretty amazing things. 

This last weekend Diane ran the Fargo 5k. This is after an amazing year long challenge to herself to lose weight and become a healthier person overall.. she did it and is a huge inspiration to myself and others. I had made a pretty sweet sign that said "You got this!" and, of course, Eric one up'd me by writing "Love you mom" on his. Such a goody-goody ;) 

Eric's dad Hans decided to surprise Diane at the Fargo 5k and as usual I had my camera with me (ps, anyone else laugh at the little girls confused face??) 

30+ years of marriage and these two are as in love as they day they said "I Do" 

These are the moments that I love and how I've figured out that the attainability of someone to love you unconditionally is real.  Way to go, Diane! 

North Dakota Living

In case you didn't know I live in North Dakota now... its a very cold place, where the buffalo roam.. more like where the oil workers roam! Seriously this was never on the "top 10 for Acacia to live" in fact when I thought of the Dakota's I thought of Mt. Rushmore, cows, cowboys and cold. 

But here I am two months in and I kind of like it here... 

I know, slap me! 

I am the girl from Arizona, the one who hates cold and wants to permanently never wear shoes, likes North Dakota.. #smh -I like to use hashtags.. it makes me sound ridiculous- 

Now before we all get bent out of shape I can easily list the reasons I like this place: 

1. Its small! I was not meant for HUGE cities and I kind of like that it only takes me 10-15 minutes to get anywhere.. including another state. 

2. We live right next door to Minnesota, over the river -literally- to cabellas we go. 

3. My dog likes it. He is a fan of cold weather. 

4. Like minded people. I am conservative, but in a weirdly liberal way.. I like my Jesus to be talked about and not looked down on for it, but I also support marriage equality... nothing wrong with love in my book. 

5. I finally feel less judged for wearing leggings as pants. Stupid reason? NOT! You know how much it blows being looked at like a common whore -I said it- because Acacia was too lazy to put on pants? NO because here, people don't care, they are like "I like wearing leggings as pants, because they are pants" YAY! 

Do I fit in? Probably not.

Is my redneck showing? YES... incredible amounts of real tree and duck/deer meat have been blessing my home. 

Does A like it? I think so.. we both miss small things about "city living" but in all.. this would be a place to raise any sort of family.

How does my family feel? They laugh uncontrolably when I tell them about the weather. In fact my dad said he could never again tell me I'd never experienced a "real" winter. Win. 

So here it is.. my redneck, starbucks loving, boot wearing, leggings are pants declaration to my love of North Dakota... but I am extremely excited about going to Washington in Feb!
-Acacia

Oh.. this ones hard

Sometimes I feel like I'll never be able to write out what I want to say.. That I'll never be able to explain the things going on in my life, my head or my heart. 

When I was a kid.. I was kind of just there, I had the "awakening" moment and then drifted by. I was nothing special, I felt more like a burden.. abandoned and left at the mercy of the world. I was different and I knew it, but I didn't know why. 

This last Sunday we were talking about the power of prayer at church, and as the last few weeks have, it was just pulling on my heart.. the guest pastor asked if we had anything we wanted to have prayed over to go ahead and meet them at the back of the auditorium... and I went back there with this man and his wife whose pregnant.. and said the worst thing in the world that I could possibly say. 

"When I was 15, my mom told me I should've been an abortion.. and when I confronted her about this, about all the things she's said and done and just.. never said anything more about she stood by her comment" 

I've talked about this a few times to people, trying to figure out why someone would say that about a child.. about their fourth child and wouldn't think the same for their other children. To say I was tearing up, that the pastor and his wife were tearing up.. understatement. I've tried to come to terms with this over the years, and last week when this all came to a head..  I sat and prayed.. I talked to A and let go. I finally felt okay, that a burden had been lifted from my chest and that I am able to move on.. that I am able to finally become whoever I am meant to be. There is a season that I'm in and learning, I am just becoming better than I ever thought I would. 

I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Wonderful are Your works, and my soul knows it very well. -Psalm 139:14 

All I can say for you moms, for you ladies whoever want to be moms, if there is ever a moment in your pregnancy or your child's life that you think "I don't want you" or that you can't have them... adoption is a beautiful thing, and there are so many people who want a child who don't have the ability to have one or want to give someone a beautiful life. I'm not saying that I should've been adopted, but I can say that those words have stayed with me since I was 15, and it has taken this long to finally be okay and move on.. and unfortunately, my mother wont be in my future. 

Think before speaking. 

what to blog...

what to blog... oh what to blog...

should I tell you about how A left? Yeah, he was home about three months, now he's gone to GA for the beautiful weather, golf and did I mention that beautiful weather?! Also, it looks like for the next 5 months I wont see him :( whomp..tickets are just too expensive. 

I can tell you that my best fried is getting married, she's marrying the love of her life and guess what else.... SHE ASKED ME TO BE HER MAID OF HONOR!!!! This is extremely exciting since I'm normally behind the camera, not in front of it, and also I get to witness these two love birds getting hitched :) I'm a fan. A big fan. 

I can tell you that my relationship with Christ has gotten stronger, I've been able to just sit back and embrace everything that He is and that He has planned for me... whenever I'm feeling overwhelmed, sad or even incredibly happy I'm able to sit and pray.. just being thankful and steadfast in Him has caused my life to be more still.. I used to be so frustrated, but now its kinda like I take a step back, deep breath and thank God for everything I have and for giving me the trials and challenges that come with my life/job. 

My job is insane, people are so, so rude on the phones! Seriously. You would think that when you call customer service that you would A) be polite and B) would be understanding when I can't actually do something about a situation they caused.. i.e. if you drop your phone on the toilet seat and it falls in.. therefore breaking the screen AND having water damage, but you didn't add insurance on it.. I cannot get you a new phone.. sorry.. you have the opportunity to buy insurance 30 days after activation.. BLAH! -yes people do that, but worse than that are the creepy guys who call in.. doing the (you know what) and ask how big your chest is.. swear to God, this job is interesting/gross- 

So now that A is gone, Bru is crazy and my job is kinda.. well.. nuts AND while we're waiting for orders -A says perhaps April!- I'm getting back into fitness. Taking my booty to the gym by 6AM Monday thru Friday and starting to have more boldness in my fashion. I'll be attempting to link up to blog hops and fashion things. I'll be talking about those things that I'm sure you don't want to hear about, sharing my opinion on some things like the clarisonic, almond milk and my dog gaining all his "big boy" weight ... my baby is growing up! :( Any ways, thanks for sticking with me, have a fun day!!! 

-Acacia 

what to blog...

what to blog... oh what to blog...

should I tell you about how A left? Yeah, he was home about three months, now he's gone to GA for the beautiful weather, golf and did I mention that beautiful weather?! Also, it looks like for the next 5 months I wont see him :( whomp..tickets are just too expensive. 

I can tell you that my best fried is getting married, she's marrying the love of her life and guess what else.... SHE ASKED ME TO BE HER MAID OF HONOR!!!! This is extremely exciting since I'm normally behind the camera, not in front of it, and also I get to witness these two love birds getting hitched :) I'm a fan. A big fan. 

I can tell you that my relationship with Christ has gotten stronger, I've been able to just sit back and embrace everything that He is and that He has planned for me... whenever I'm feeling overwhelmed, sad or even incredibly happy I'm able to sit and pray.. just being thankful and steadfast in Him has caused my life to be more still.. I used to be so frustrated, but now its kinda like I take a step back, deep breath and thank God for everything I have and for giving me the trials and challenges that come with my life/job. 

My job is insane, people are so, so rude on the phones! Seriously. You would think that when you call customer service that you would A) be polite and B) would be understanding when I can't actually do something about a situation they caused.. i.e. if you drop your phone on the toilet seat and it falls in.. therefore breaking the screen AND having water damage, but you didn't add insurance on it.. I cannot get you a new phone.. sorry.. you have the opportunity to buy insurance 30 days after activation.. BLAH! -yes people do that, but worse than that are the creepy guys who call in.. doing the (you know what) and ask how big your chest is.. swear to God, this job is interesting/gross- 

So now that A is gone, Bru is crazy and my job is kinda.. well.. nuts AND while we're waiting for orders -A says perhaps April!- I'm getting back into fitness. Taking my booty to the gym by 6AM Monday thru Friday and starting to have more boldness in my fashion. I'll be attempting to link up to blog hops and fashion things. I'll be talking about those things that I'm sure you don't want to hear about, sharing my opinion on some things like the clarisonic, almond milk and my dog gaining all his "big boy" weight ... my baby is growing up! :( Any ways, thanks for sticking with me, have a fun day!!! 

-Acacia 

what to blog...

what to blog... oh what to blog...

should I tell you about how A left? Yeah, he was home about three months, now he's gone to GA for the beautiful weather, golf and did I mention that beautiful weather?! Also, it looks like for the next 5 months I wont see him :( whomp..tickets are just too expensive. 

I can tell you that my best fried is getting married, she's marrying the love of her life and guess what else.... SHE ASKED ME TO BE HER MAID OF HONOR!!!! This is extremely exciting since I'm normally behind the camera, not in front of it, and also I get to witness these two love birds getting hitched :) I'm a fan. A big fan. 

I can tell you that my relationship with Christ has gotten stronger, I've been able to just sit back and embrace everything that He is and that He has planned for me... whenever I'm feeling overwhelmed, sad or even incredibly happy I'm able to sit and pray.. just being thankful and steadfast in Him has caused my life to be more still.. I used to be so frustrated, but now its kinda like I take a step back, deep breath and thank God for everything I have and for giving me the trials and challenges that come with my life/job. 

My job is insane, people are so, so rude on the phones! Seriously. You would think that when you call customer service that you would A) be polite and B) would be understanding when I can't actually do something about a situation they caused.. i.e. if you drop your phone on the toilet seat and it falls in.. therefore breaking the screen AND having water damage, but you didn't add insurance on it.. I cannot get you a new phone.. sorry.. you have the opportunity to buy insurance 30 days after activation.. BLAH! -yes people do that, but worse than that are the creepy guys who call in.. doing the (you know what) and ask how big your chest is.. swear to God, this job is interesting/gross- 

So now that A is gone, Bru is crazy and my job is kinda.. well.. nuts AND while we're waiting for orders -A says perhaps April!- I'm getting back into fitness. Taking my booty to the gym by 6AM Monday thru Friday and starting to have more boldness in my fashion. I'll be attempting to link up to blog hops and fashion things. I'll be talking about those things that I'm sure you don't want to hear about, sharing my opinion on some things like the clarisonic, almond milk and my dog gaining all his "big boy" weight ... my baby is growing up! :( Any ways, thanks for sticking with me, have a fun day!!! 

-Acacia 

when I grow up

I want a big house, with a yard, so my crazy malamute -because they are all I'll ever own- can run free and not be seen as "aggressive" for being so big.. 

I will be married with two kids, yup, or three.. maybe just two.. 

I will have given up on the notion of a "happily ever after" fairy tale and make my own. 

I will not be famous, rich or extrodinarily beautiful.. I will just be me, if any of these things happen they wont change who I am. 

I will make forts, costumes and laugh with my children whenever I possibly can. 

I will be successful, in what? I don't know.. kind of figuring that out now. 

The Bible will be a daily read in my home, with my spouse, children and dog.. yes, my dogs will know God. 

I will be comfortable in my own skin.

I want a subaru.

I will own at least three purses that go with anything. 

I will have cute outfits, I'll be fashionable.. sort of? 

I will let go of my past - currently working on- 

My parents will know that I love them and am grateful for them. 

My spouse will equally know that I love them and am grateful for them.

My children will be loved, hard working and know what it takes to earn a dollar. 

I will take pictures. 

I will laugh.

I will love. 

I will grow up eventually.. but until then, I'll continue to dream about what I'll be... and as my dad says "growing up is mandatory in age, but not in your spirit" 

-Acacia 

A little baby

No, I'm not pregnant. 

But I had the best time with this babes newborn session! 

Mr. Elias made his way into the world, you can read about their maternity and newborn session here and also keep in mind that I'm still offering four free sessions a month, February is almost full! 

Merry Christmas

From our family to yours we hope that you have a safe and beautiful holiday season.

We have a lot of spots missing around the friend table this year, we wish our loved ones were here, we wish we could spend this time with them but are extremely grateful that the majority are coming home soon. 

and obviously I couldn't leave you guys without this little treasure.. enjoy. 

Christmas tree time

So A and I went to Schilter Farms  in Olympia to get our Christmas tree this year. This place is awesome, though I think we got there after all the fun festivities of the day were over but it was still fun. Its one of those things where you can walk around and find your perfect tree, cut it down and then have someone take it up to the front for you.. because you are much too lazy to lug the 12' tree that A cut down allllll the way to the front office area.. yeah.. that's right, 12' and he cut off about 4' to get it to fit in our house.. 

Our finished tree

We're keeping a tradition that we both picked up from families which is to only get an ornament each every year. So far 90% of my ornaments are from Pottery Barn after holiday sales, so we get some BEAUTIFUL ones for super cheap. 

A&A this ornament I made last year

 I love this VERY simple initial wing ornament, just follow the design and use your initial as the wing :) 

 We got some snow! It lasted for a day, but obviously our Bru bear loved it. 

Cutting down the tree time! 

So obviously we had a blast, A was excited to use his saw.. that dork. I definitely recommend these farms, ALL of their douglas firs were $25 so we were able to find the perfect tree and then trim it down to size. The staff was amazingly helpful, and are very much about making you feel welcome. Thank you guys for making our last holiday in the Pacific Northwest -living at least- a great one.. even though I have to wait till December 28th to open ANY presents because I have to work and A is at his parents... we are truly excited/happy about it though. 

Have a great day! 

living with my big sister 2.0

Coming from a family of four kids and being the youngest you really realize later on in life how much you like living with your siblings

Me (baby) keelan (brother) and kira off to the left is tally the other sister

The biggest thing I've come to love about my sister being here for the next few weeks is that 1. she cleans and I don't have to, and 2. her boyfriend is a great cook! But really, she's my sister and its nice to have family around. We get to talk about fashion and life and get things squared away.. I've looked at the apartments she & Dave are searching for and found that.. HEY maybe in a few months when A PCSs I'll be looking for something similar! Its nice to also have someone in your corner.. I feel a lot through living in WA that people suck.. and therefore having someone who you automatically call a friend/sister is the best thing ever. 

Us in seattle 2011

We used to fight and get on each others nerves, we also used to think the other was constantly annoying! But now that we're in our 20's have lived in other states and gotten to actually know each other aside from being sisters... we're friends.

I look forward to hanging out with my sister and having her around.. I can only tell other little sisters that it does get better, your siblings DO become your friends and they don't hate you all the time (if you fought like us, you probably understand) 

so heres to being family and having a mutual interest in face making, noises and calling Dave a douche (its a joke) 

Lifestyle

My lifestyle is sorta weird, I'm not a spouse to an airman, I am just the girlfriend... I don't want my blog to be all military since it is my blog... but then I run across the fact that I am pretty freaking boring. I work, take care of Bru and the house and wait for my man to come home. I daydream at work about how it'll be to hold him in my arms again, and at the same time I kick butt and realize that my parents raised me right i.e. not lazy. 

After so long with someone whose job is so "high speed" you start to get tired of it, I'm tired of missing my best friend and of the SAT phone cutting off. I am tired of this lifestyle. I want a home, kids, decent sized yard and a detached barn style garage for portraits.. I want the mundaneness of A coming home day after day, tired and only wanting to hang out with the dog. I want to actually have time to plan out my life more than a month or week in advance..

I am proud of A, don't get me wrong, but A isn't everything.. do you know how hard it I just want to tell people he works in an office doing adjustments or something equally boring?? Everyday. I stopped even bringing up the fact that he's in the military, when people ask I always get the same question "so has he killed anyone?" Uh.. none of your business? The second someone finds out he's military its like my accomplishments don't matter, just that I've stood by his side.. well guess what, it isn't that hard to be there for someone, it probably harder on him to be there for me, than the other way around. In the last few years I've discovered the importance of being proud, but in a quiet manner. I no longer flaunt his job, his successes or the things that truly don't matter to him, instead I talk about him as a person. He's more than a uniform and this lifestyle is just a temporary speed bump in what we really want. 

Like I said, I am proud, A is my best friend and he does so much for this country by just being overseas.. without him someone else would have to be there.. and while it sucks, I would rather it be him than the guy with kids. But this "lifestyle" isn't ours, and the military can keep it...along with the rest of the crap we don't care about. 

-Acacia 

Oh heyyyyy

HEEEEY GIRL! 

ok.. its been awhile.. and I'm a terrible blogger and life seems to have gotten the better of me.. we finally had some sunshine, I went on my bosses boat which was pretty exciting! I saw Rainier in a whole new manner.. in the middle of a freaking lake. 

I went on a cleaning/decorating spree with my house, though we'll only be here for another year (maybe) or so. I've finally started putting pictures up, and ordering some sweet home state prints for A & myself. Obviously AZ & OR, but with WA in the middle with "where it all began" its kind of a surprise for A when he gets back, speaking of, we're OVER A MONTH DOWN WOOOOOOFREAKINGHOOOOOOOO! This deployment is going quickly, A is busy and so am I... which makes for mundane conversations, but at least I'm that much closer to being with him again.

My dad is coming to town in a few weeks for my twenty-fourth birthday, yeah buddy! Mr. Dad and & I go way back.. like to conception.. and we're pretty much the same -just ask mom- so I'm excited to introduce him to some of my favorite Washington haunts and some of the people in this world of mine. 

Bru baby is doing well, at 8 months he's just over 100lbs and standing at my hips, well his head is. My Brutus is such a big guy :) and he melts my heart a lot.. except when he digs, that gets under my skin.

I hope at some point (probably September) I'll be able to start making picture posts and what not, being that I have a "desk top" laptop kinda makes it difficult to want to come into this office.. maybe if I decorate it?? I guess I could start.

-Acacia

times I hate being involved with the military

When I was younger I never pictured my life semi revolving around a man and his job, or following someone to the ends of the Earth. I never thought one day I'd cry by the grave of a soldier who held me in their arms at one point.. I never thought this would happen. I was also a child, and war was a distant thing, something that happened to our parents. 

Obviously 9/11 changed that. 

I've been blessed in this world to know many fine soldiers and their families, airmen, sailors and marines. I've also had to say goodbye to a select few.. and this last Tuesday someone who I was so glad to get to know over the last year had to say goodbye to her loved one. 

SPC Trevor Pinnick died fighting the "good fight" in Afghanistan on June 12, 2012. 

He leaves behind a beautiful wife and daughter, who at two, is really lucky to not know what's happening.. but has to deal with not having her amazing father around. 

Pre-deployment portraits I took in 2011

I didn't know at the time taking the picture above, that would be the  one that stays with her forever.. I didn't know saying things like "Smile, Martha needs some thing to look at when you're away" would turn into the picture she will cling to for the rest of her life.
I wish more than anything that I could take this away, more than anything this hadn't happened and we could all just continue on with our lives.. that in two months he'd come home.. he'd embrace his family at a ceremony. Rather than be laid down with his fallen brothers.. rather than have a wife and daughter miss him forever.

can someone remind me what these sacrifices really mean, because right now I feel like something is shattered and not a damn person cares.. not a normal person. Not someone who sleeps next to their loved one every single night where is his parade for sacrificing watching his little girl grow up?

I love you guys, and I hope that someday you can know, Mel, that your father was so much more than a hero... he's the best man in the world for doing what he did and you should know he loves you more than anything. From heaven he's looking down at such a lovely little girl saying "that's my girl" know he's there with every milestone and setback.
Martha, I can only pray that the pain you're feeling will someday subside and you find as much joy in what you had with him as possible. I love you, you're one of the greatest women I've ever met.. you are stronger than anyone I know.
I hope God can wrap them in his arms and help them through all of this..
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