No Tribe

I remember when I was 12 and starting the 7th grade? If you're anything like me you had to go to a whole new school -holler to AZ being one of the only places that puts 7-8th in its own school- and I was nervous. The night before my first day I mapped out the bus route, both of them, and I put on the new outfit my mom bought and showed up extra early so that I wouldn't miss anything. 

I walked off the bus and into the courtyard and saw hundreds of people I didn't know and some you did. I immediately latched to my big brothers group of friends and quickly realized that these guys think I'm Keelan's dumb little sister, and I do not belong. 

I had no tribe and I would never really have one. I am a loner-extrovert, the girl who can be the center of attention but stand on the outside, never getting close to anyone. 

I found friends, don't get me wrong, and I still talk to a few of them.. but we aren't close. These people can tell you my first and last name.. possibly my birthday and that I like dinosaurs.. but they don't know the nitty gritty. I knew from a very young age that you do not let people close because people can hurt you and it's better to be lonely than hurt. 

Now that I'm in my mid twenties the ramifications of not ever having a tribe, a group of people I could count on, has hit home. Not only have I distanced myself emotionally, but physically. I don't live near anyone I know and when I want or need to talk to someone.. I have to either wait until the weekend to call my dad or try and reach out to one of my siblings. The ones I'm not close to and who I just don't feel I can bare my soul to, or ask to pray with me, they aren't that kind of people. 

So here I am, 26 and no tribe. While most of my friends are busy finishing up grad school, starting families and planning weddings I'm in this weird middle ground of not those things. 

But I want a change. I want a tribe, or a friend here, that I can call on and vice versa. I want friends who serve each other as God calls us to and who want to have lunch or coffee, not just take pictures of their kids. These are the things I look forward to most as I creep ever closer to 27 and further away from those I grew up with. So I'm trusting God with this, I'm making the efforts that I've been called to and hope to meet my BFF4LYFE (I had to) on this journey.

when I grow up

I want a big house, with a yard, so my crazy malamute -because they are all I'll ever own- can run free and not be seen as "aggressive" for being so big.. 

I will be married with two kids, yup, or three.. maybe just two.. 

I will have given up on the notion of a "happily ever after" fairy tale and make my own. 

I will not be famous, rich or extrodinarily beautiful.. I will just be me, if any of these things happen they wont change who I am. 

I will make forts, costumes and laugh with my children whenever I possibly can. 

I will be successful, in what? I don't know.. kind of figuring that out now. 

The Bible will be a daily read in my home, with my spouse, children and dog.. yes, my dogs will know God. 

I will be comfortable in my own skin.

I want a subaru.

I will own at least three purses that go with anything. 

I will have cute outfits, I'll be fashionable.. sort of? 

I will let go of my past - currently working on- 

My parents will know that I love them and am grateful for them. 

My spouse will equally know that I love them and am grateful for them.

My children will be loved, hard working and know what it takes to earn a dollar. 

I will take pictures. 

I will laugh.

I will love. 

I will grow up eventually.. but until then, I'll continue to dream about what I'll be... and as my dad says "growing up is mandatory in age, but not in your spirit" 

-Acacia 

great adventures, great goals.

I'm finding that as I grow older, I long to go on adventures and travel.. but lots locally. I have time to see the Eiffel Tower and go to the Great Wall -hopefully- but until I can afford to go on such lavish adventures.. might as well start with my own backyard. 

So now I bring you to: The Bucket List (its a title, it gets caps) 

Not your average bucket list, this is my PNW bucket list, what I must do before we either PCS or I move to another place. The PNW has always had a special place in my heart, not so much Washington,  but Oregon. I spent summers here as a child with my grandparents and cousins, and longed to move here after graduating high school.. but some situations arose and before I knew it I was headed down a path that seemed so not me I was on my way to being a bride, to living my life being a housewife. After the Navy deal, I moved to Dallas, OR which is by all means a small, small town. But I was surrounded by family and people I really wanted to get to know.. but then I grew restless and idiotic again. I moved to Washington, got myself a 9-5 at a daycare and promptly began hating my life.. loathing it and here I've been.. sitting in my tiny little house with my giant dog and not really embracing where I live. I've done some shooting, some swimming and some boating.. but not really traveled. Last summer I got an itch, I hiked a little of Mt. Rainier! But now its time to REALLY embrace it. Become a Northwesterner and love where I am. -Some of this was brought on by my recent readings of Wild by Cheryl Strayed) 

PCT of Washington Via

Visit at least 10 spots of the PCT (Pacific Crest Trail)
Visit the Olympic Rain Forrest
Try paddle boarding on the Puget Sound
Go kyaking
Visit Alki beach in Seattle
Go snowboarding at Crystal Mountain
Visit all the "weird" landmarks of Seattle
Go whale watching
Go to Eastern Washington

Knowing the military and their awesomeness -and also the boyfriend- I have about two years to accomplish this, maybe more.. who knows, I don't want to give myself a small time frame, I want to enjoy ALL this state has to offer. The drinking and night life, the idiotic people I run into from post.. all the things that make me want to leave are not truly what this state has to offer.
Washington isn't my "home" Oregon is, but since I'm not in Oregon.. I might as well enjoy this temporary state of living.