Wednesday, December 18, 2013

Where do you go from here?

For four years I spent bettering myself, but supporting someone else at the same time. Investing more and more of myself into them every. single. year and to have it all come "crashing down" in a sense.

It'd been over for awhile, but I'm stubborn and will fight for something I believe in till there's absolutely nothing left to fight for.

To literally have someone tell you they didn't take it as seriously or that you aren't that "smart, beautiful and strong woman" they saw themselves with... wow kinda hit to the core, but I kept trucking, thinking "we just need time" but then... time happened and I was the only one fighting anymore.. so I gave up.
I continued to be told what I'm doing in life is wrong... and how I was raised, and where I'm going and my lack of education and blah blah blah and eventually... I woke up and said
"I'm over you"
Yeah, you know.. it probably stung for someone who thought -and I thought- I would be hung up on for awhile to just be told that I'm over it. You know what it took? A moment of weakness on his part saying "I'm not sure I am right about breaking up" ... giving me that glimmer of hope, but then turning around and saying "the only reason I said that is cause I don't like to see you sad"
I had no idea how fast my heart and brain could shut someone out until that moment... it took about 30 seconds.
So while I may have stood up for him in the past, made excuses for his behavior towards me and the actions he took by belittling me and making me feel like I was inferior.. I wont do that anymore.. and I wont repeat this cycle.. for whatever reason I've found the guys who are oh so incredibly sweet, but then catch you of guard with mean words and actions... I'm over it.
SO where do I go from here?
I go someone awesome.

**that awesome place will probably be oregon** 


Amy @ At the Pink of Perfection said...

Ugh, you definitely deserve better and to go somewhere awesome! I can't speak for Oregon as I'm an East coast chic, but onward and upward chickadee. You are a strong, beautiful, educated woman- dont let anyone tell you otherwise. Take the time to grieve the relationship- that's ok and completely normal. That being said, it sounds like your head is in the right place!

Mrs. K said...

He's not going to find another you! You were with him through a lot. Good for you for standing up for yourself. I admire your attitude.

Jane said...

He has no idea what he gave up on. Seriously, I have a hard time packing up to support Daniel's career over my own and we're married! Lol! You were willing to do that to support someone without that safety net. Which I really admire about you and I think goes to show what an amazing heart you have. I super selfishly hope you end up in Oregon and then you, Moira and I can plan bloggy dates. <3