Friday, February 19, 2016

i see you

You, the girl who puts on a tough exterior that says "I'm going to do what I want, damned be the consequences". The one who goes out drinking because having fun sober is for the birds, and I also see the one who wakes up next to a stranger and has very little to no recollection of what actually happened the night before. 

I see that hopeful look on your face when he walks in the room, he talks about his accomplishments, his life, his dreams.. but barely remembers your name. You crawl into bed with him, hoping that this will be it.. this is the time that changes everything and he'll rescue you from the mundane that is your life.. but the next night he's talking to someone else, probably to ten other girls.. and I see that pain in your heart. 

You drink that away and throw inhibitions to the wind.. you wake up again, with someone you barely know. Your family notices, your friends notice, but you don't care.. you're young and this is what being young is all about. You sit in your room on a rainy day and think about how you got where you are and why you feel so alone. You don't realize that all of those lustful nights were you giving away small pieces of yourself and you thought it was no strings attached. 

I see you, because I've been you. 

I want you to know that you aren't alone and that this season passes, but leaves you scarred and feeling like the pieces will never fit back together. Its a really crappy time in your life and you'll be going through the motions until one day it hits you; I'm not in this alone. 

It will hit you randomly, but hard, and you'll slowly stop trying to rely on yourself and try to trust in God, but you're stubborn. You'll relapse and try and do it on your own again and at first it'll feel great, but then you'll feel weary and your heart will be heavy and when you're there He'll pick you up. 

This will go on for a long time, in fact it'll go on until you finally just say the words out loud; 

God, I cannot do this on my own. I need You.  

And that will be the moment you start healing and your life really does turn around. Your scars start to fade and the pieces are slowly sewn together. You finally realize that your life isn't about what you did, but what you'll do for Him and in His name.  

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