Lent + Me

Lent is a new thing to me, I participated last year + went to the churches lent thing. I still have the nail that represented Christ's wounds for my sin and I carried it around for pretty much the whole year. My little reminder that Christ went before me, when I ran my finger across it + when I laid it on a table + thought about it. When in all my selfish behavior my God still loves me. Last year I gave up fast food + Starbucks, I bragged about participating. I was trying to prove that my life was "amazing" when it wasn't. I was a sinner then + I'm a sinner now. I have learned a lot + yet feel so far from Christ.. 

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This year I will be reading along with She Reads Truth on a daily basis.

I will not give up anything. 

I will increase God in my life and let myself decrease. 

I will devote time to prayer + devotion. 

I will be healthier + a more centered vessel for God to use. 

This is my lent. 

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I hope that you all have started your lent journey's + they are going well. I hope you succeed in whatever you're giving up or trying to increase in your life. If you need prayers or are in my area + want to meet up to talk or anything, please comment below or email me hellolovelyblog(@)gmail(.)com

Testify .. kind of..

I promised to be a little more transparent on here, in general, and that's why I wanted to share this with you all.. When you go to a church, or a small group.. or meet a friend in Christ a lot of them want to know how you came to Christ, when did you go "AHA!" and then you were a Christian. 
I had many moments of "AHA!"  When did I really begin to believe, when did my heart truly change and my life became new... Was it when I laid in bed crying, begging and pleading that my mom be okay. Was it when she told me she didn't want me.. that I was a mistake and should've been aborted.. Was it when I felt Christ moving in my heart, making me stir and reclaim Him in my life... Or has it been my whole life?
I was 15 when mom was in the ICU. 15 when she first told me I should've been aborted.  15 when I felt like I really should be gone.. no one would miss me.  I was 18 when I was baptized. 23 when I really started reading the Bible. 24 when I clung to God after she reconfirmed my existence being a mistake. 25 when I wasn't able to ignore the Holy Spirit in my heart. 
I've been sitting here for almost an hour trying to finish this post.. my moment was when God made me. He set me apart from the beginning and it just took me forever to find Him... I doubted Him, I doubted His creation and love, thought myself a mistake.
I was 15 when I came to Christ, but 25 when I truly understood His love for me..  The biggest thing I want to share is that He never left me.. He never let go and never will. 

Living for Him

So.. lets talk faith, lets get down to the nitty gritty of faith.. 

So I am Christian, this meaning I follow Christ and fully believe He died for me. 

Do I always live up to the sacrifice He made? Nope, not even close.

Do I constantly mess up and have to ask for forgiveness? Yes, all.the.time 

So what exactly is the nitty gritty? 

...coming to terms with the fact that I slipped into my old ways

drinking, cursing, no modesty and yes... being the ultimate sinner, living a life that Christ wouldn't like. 

Boom, there I was the other day (lets say December when Jessica came home) and here is my beautiful friend, giving her all to Christ and letting Him take her sins, take her hurt and just being overjoyed with the fact that HE IS! I start thinking. Contemplating. Praying. 

These prayers led me to Fresh Start.

Fresh Start led me to coming clean about sins, feeling like He was calling me and tugging on my heart.. 

and that led to me wanting to worship HIM to constantly praise HIM and to live my life for HIM. 

weird. 

Why? Because my family looks "down" (it seems that way to me, my family has never really been on board with my faith) on it.

A is almost there, but questions it 

and my past should keep me from Him, but it doesn't. 

So here I am, opening myself up for ridicule, for those who say "she's at it again" that my faith is shallow, like myself, and that I'm doing this for the attention. But I truly feel that I am turning a page, beginning anew and wouldn't be able to do that without His grace & mercy. 

But if anyone would like to help along the way, be my friend or sister in Christ, please ... don't hesitate. I am unable to go to my church, hopefully that changes soon! but I am always up for fellowship and if you're in Washington we should meet up for coffee.. because I need friends with similar faith and that's what I feel is important on this road. 

-Acacia