No Tribe

I remember when I was 12 and starting the 7th grade? If you're anything like me you had to go to a whole new school -holler to AZ being one of the only places that puts 7-8th in its own school- and I was nervous. The night before my first day I mapped out the bus route, both of them, and I put on the new outfit my mom bought and showed up extra early so that I wouldn't miss anything. 

I walked off the bus and into the courtyard and saw hundreds of people I didn't know and some you did. I immediately latched to my big brothers group of friends and quickly realized that these guys think I'm Keelan's dumb little sister, and I do not belong. 

I had no tribe and I would never really have one. I am a loner-extrovert, the girl who can be the center of attention but stand on the outside, never getting close to anyone. 

I found friends, don't get me wrong, and I still talk to a few of them.. but we aren't close. These people can tell you my first and last name.. possibly my birthday and that I like dinosaurs.. but they don't know the nitty gritty. I knew from a very young age that you do not let people close because people can hurt you and it's better to be lonely than hurt. 

Now that I'm in my mid twenties the ramifications of not ever having a tribe, a group of people I could count on, has hit home. Not only have I distanced myself emotionally, but physically. I don't live near anyone I know and when I want or need to talk to someone.. I have to either wait until the weekend to call my dad or try and reach out to one of my siblings. The ones I'm not close to and who I just don't feel I can bare my soul to, or ask to pray with me, they aren't that kind of people. 

So here I am, 26 and no tribe. While most of my friends are busy finishing up grad school, starting families and planning weddings I'm in this weird middle ground of not those things. 

But I want a change. I want a tribe, or a friend here, that I can call on and vice versa. I want friends who serve each other as God calls us to and who want to have lunch or coffee, not just take pictures of their kids. These are the things I look forward to most as I creep ever closer to 27 and further away from those I grew up with. So I'm trusting God with this, I'm making the efforts that I've been called to and hope to meet my BFF4LYFE (I had to) on this journey.

This is Home

So a few of you may remember when I was on Twitter asking about places in SC that you would recommend to live in, and what other states you might consider? Well, Eric and I had talked about moving within the next 1-2 years.. but then people were getting murdered, riots and of course extreme weather issues happened. 

We talked then, and still talk now, about the pros and cons to living in North Dakota as a long term possibility. I definitely didn’t see myself staying here long term, but the more I look at the rest of the world, the more I really don’t want to leave. 

I grew up knowing the following:

-Real friends are few and far between. 

-Most people just want you to do things for them and have a one sided friendship. 

-It is better to be a loner. 

Guess whose parents were wrong?! Mine. 

Moving here was definitely an eye opener. For starters, most of the people here are genuine. Seriously! Second, I’ve never had people offer to help me with so much before. When I had to unexpectedly move out of my first apartment here, my friend of less than 5 months was eager to help me move! That’s insane, usually I have to bribe people, but here its just something people do. I’m not saying everyone is like this, but  a lot of people are. 

Now the other good things about ND? 

-Close to Eric’s family. 

-Good school system. 

-It has jobs, lots of them, and that’s awesome. 

-The Northern plains bubble, it’s a thing. 

Not so good things? 

-Cold. I was raised in AZ and the coldest place I’d been to before this was up in the mountains of AZ or OR.. which doesn’t even compare to this place. 

-Long distances from city to city. 

-The closest Ikea, “big” Sephora and Cheese Cake Factory is 4 hours away. 

Granted some of the not-so-great things are things that are sometimes seen as a good thing. Do I like long car rides? HECK YES! In fact, I like driving in general so maybe that’s not too bad.. the whole Ikea thing? It’s a treat to go to the cities and see friends which makes it that much better. 

I guess in all, what I’m trying to say is: This is home. 

This is where we will probably get married and someday, God willing, have children.